Finale - Part 1 (The Idea)/Script
Opening Sequence :Amir: Hey, you're watching the end of an era. :Jake: Chill, man. :Amir: I am chill! Sorry. I am chill. Episode :episode begins with a tracking shot through the office, where all of the employees are trying to work in spite of a loud argument taking place between Jake and Amir, who are still off-screen. :Jake: Don't yell at me. Okay, buddy? You asked for my thoughts, and now you're immediately telling-- :Amir: Shhh! :Jake: You're shushing me? Are you kidding? :Amir: Yeah, because opinions are like assholes: ya are one! And they stink, and so do you! :Jake: Nice, you butchered that phrase! :Amir: No. :Jake: Okay, why do you think you're wearing a good outfit for work? :Amir: Because it's healthy, dingus! My cousin Leron has a friend Chard who's a personal trainer! :Jake: He has a friend named Chard? :Amir: That's right. He's Swiss! :Jake: Swiss Chard. :Amir: Mm-hmm! :Jake: Good. Go home. :Amir: No! :Jake: Go home and change. :Amir: No, I have to work in it! :Jake: You have to work in that! Wow. :Amir: I have to work out in it! Yeah! :tracking shot ends, and Amir is revealed to be wearing a baggy silver sweat suit. :Jake: You're not working out in it, you're just-- :Amir: It doesn't matter. The one issue, honestly, is that it's a little hot. It's steamy. But-- :Jake: That's the sole purpose of the suit. It's supposed to be a sweat suit. :Amir: --it is shiny. I like that it's shiny, and actually, I trust Chard. :Jake: You trust him? :Amir: I do trust Chard, because he has a record label. :Sam: in the doorway of his office Guys! My office, now! ---- :and Amir are sitting in Sam's office. :Amir: a voice What seems to be the problem here, officer? laughs :Sam: You guys haven't done any work in the last eight years, and you're fired. :Jake & Amir: Excuse...? :Sam: You come into work, mainly only on Tuesdays, you argue loudly, disrupting the entire team, and you have never contributed to this company... :Jake: That's not true, sir. :Sam: ...ever. :Jake: That is not true, and you know it. Alright, we've had two auditions at least, and, um, one or two table reads as well. :Sam: That is three to four instances of work in the last eight years. :Amir: Sorry, let me try to wrap my cock around this: you're saying me and you are done professionally? :Jake: Bad joke. :Amir: laughing It's not a joke! It's not a joke. Not everything is a joke. :Jake: Are you gonna say you didn't say that hoping people would laugh? :Amir: Nobody did laugh, though. :Sam: You see what you're doing? Even now you're arguing, and I'm firing you. :Amir: Give us one chance, dude, okay? One more opportunity. Mom's spaghetti. I swear we'll write not just one episode for you, but an entire web series... eight hundred fucking episodes. :Jake: Way too many. :Sam: Jesus. :Amir: And they'll be cheap, too. Because all of them will be Jake and I, chatting. :Jake: sarcastically Awesome pitch. That sounds really good. :Amir: Yeah! It'll be me and you talking. :Jake: Just talking at our desks? :Amir: Mm-hmm! :Jake: Amir a thumbs-up Yeah, I wanna watch that. :Amir: laughing I do! :Sam: This could work... I mean, you did kick Jake's tongue off last year. :Amir: laughing See? That's an episode! Another one could be, is if I'm, uh, a mime, or... I get a dog, or, uh, if I, one c-- one could be if I have a snake or bread. :Jake: You're just saying nouns, dude. :Amir: It's all funny, though, because if it's-- :Jake: Well focus on one episode. :Amir: So think ab-- :Jake: Let's make one episode funny, rather than just finish all eight hundred-- :Amir: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no! :Sam: This... is the show. :Same & Amir: ...This... is the show. This is the show. :Sam, Jake & Amir: This is the show! :Sam: Stop it. I am with you guys. I'm willing to experiment with this, but I agree with Jake. :Amir: Thi-- :Sam: Eight hundred episodes is too many. I mean, you can't just take the same format, and do it over and over, and over... and over. :Jake: That's enough. :Sam: Let's give one a shot and see how it comes out, and take it from there. :Amir: Sam, I have a feeling you're gonna love the first episode of Amir and Jake! :Sam: Hmm. That name... his hands over each other, implying a reversal ...is perfect. :Jake: It's not bad, but what about J-- :Sam: Perfect!